Do you ever sense that you’re asking the same questions over and over? That you can’t seem to get your mentee to open up with you and share more of what she/he is thinking, feeling, and doing?

Following are several “dialog prompts” used by effective mentors and other good listeners. Notice that some are questions and others are statements. Avoid using all questions or your mentee will feel as if he/she is on the witness stand.

For Building the Mentoring Relationship/Negotiating a Mentoring Agreement

On your mentoring application, you mentioned _____. I’d like to know more about that.

What would make this partnership an excellent experience for you? Now ,suggest what would make it a waste of time?

How should I refer to you and our relationship when I introduce you to others?

Are you open to feedback from me? How would you like it? What should I avoid doing?

Describe how you best like to learn.

Tell me about some personal accomplishments of which you’re proud of.

What do people say you do best?

What was the best work situation you’ve ever had?

Id like to hear what, if anything, you'd like to be different in your life.

What makes you laugh? What keeps you up at night?

Summarize how your friends/loved ones describe you?

What do you hope to accomplish in the remainder of your life? What kind of person do you want to become?

What would you like people to say about you on your ____ birthday? Add anything you hope they’ll forget?

What do you wish you had known or done 10 years ago? Earlier than that?

How do you balance work and the rest of your life?

For Developing Your Mentee/Maintaining Momentum

What specific goal do you want to set?

When you reach this goal, how will you know?

What part of being a mentee/mentor do you like most? Like least?

I'd like to ask your advice about ___.

please tell me how I could be a better partner in this relationship.

What have I said or done so far that was helpful?

It's okay to tell me how I wasn’t particularly helpful.

For a Particular Situation or Dilemma

How did this situation begin? Share some of the story behind what you’re saying (or feeling, or doing).

Please tell me more about that. Give me an example please.

If you ____, what will probably happen? What would you prefer to happen?

What is this situation costing you?

Describe the options you see. (Help identify several without judging.)

Name what’s getting in the way of progress.

What do you think should come next?

What can we learn from this?

For more ideas on being an effective mentor, see Products and the Archive.